I Smile Because I'm Happy

There are many things I am oblivious to, though it would be difficult to assess whether my obliviousness makes me the same or sets me apart from the average person. Mostly, I think nothing of minuscule details relating to how people say things, or the body language they use. I don't look for underlying meaning, because usually people are not like characters in books; they are not "clever." Because I don't look for a deeper meaning in the words and physical signals of others, I don't imagine that they are looking for those sorts of things in me either. Perhaps it is the homeschooler in me, but I assume every one's innocence unless I see proof of guilt.

Every once in a while I'll read this thing on Craigslist called "Missed Connections", and when I do, I am always thoroughly entertained, because it is chocked full of people who interprete small actions as being extremely meaningful and life changing. Here's the idea.

A person looks over and sees his/her soul mate. It's usually someone they've never seen before, just sitting in their car waiting for the light to change, or reading a book in a coffee shop. Because the person reading their book or waiting in traffic can feel someones eyes boring holes into them, they look up to see who is so interested in their ordinary goings on. Eye contact is established. Perhaps one or both of the parties smiles. Then the light changes and each person goes their separate way, or neither person has the guts to say "hello", and the reader goes back to their book while the starer walks on.

Instead of forgetting about this person you've never met and getting on with your day, you torture yourself, insisting to your brain that what your heart felt was real. Your soul mate has been found living in your very own city, and yet, you may never come across them again. You blew it.

"Missed Connections" is where these people post their pleas. They describe the situation in which they saw the person and knew they were meant to be together. Forever. "Please", they say, "if you read this, email me. I recognize you as my soul mate, and in the brief moment our eyes met, I could tell you felt it too."

I read an article a few months ago on people who had met their spouses by using this outlet, but let's be honest, for the most part, it just seems kind of creepy and sad. I don't doubt that some couples just see each other and "know," but more often than not, I'm willing to bet that one person sees their soul mate and the other person sees a potential stalker. Maybe they did smile uncomfortably at the person staring shamelessly at them as they went about their day, but that doesn't mean a reciprocated interest.

When I was young, I was taught to be friendly and polite to everyone. Kindness is contagious, so make eye contact, smile, and be attentive to what people are saying. This attitude has always worked well for me. It's true that you reap what you sow, so give a smile, get a smile. Give a kind word, get a kind word, and so on. I've been incorporating this mindset into my personality for so long, it has long since become a habit.

Now, at the age of 23, I'm beginning to discover that the habit of kindness can be just as much a curse as a blessing. I find it being taken the wrong way by single men everywhere, and I start to wonder if I am really the only kind, single girl in this city, or if the guys I encounter just don't get out much.

Guys, here's a tip: if I look you in the eye, I'm probably not hitting on you. If I smile in your general direction, I'm not necessarily looking for a date. If you start a conversation and I participate, this is not an automatic invitation for you to ask me for my number. It's called making human connections, and because I like to smile at and converse with EVERYONE, you cannot assume that my attention means I am your soul mate.

I realize that sometimes there is a fine line between human kindness and dating signals, but are most people so harsh that they won't even laugh when you tell a joke, causing you to assume that when someone does, they are in love with you?

At work, there's a temp that's been working in our shop for the past two weeks or so. He's a very nice, Nascar loving hillbilly type, with an accent so thick that even I, a girl who has lived in KY for more than 17 years, have trouble understanding what he's saying. Every few days, he'd walk up to my desk and talk to me briefly. He told me his troubles and I listened; not really uncommon in my administrative position, which some days is not so very different from being a bar tender.

Because he's difficult to understand, I try to pick out the subject of his sentence, then read his face to see if he is for or against the matter on which he is speaking, then sympathize with his plight. When it comes down to it, that's all most people need to make their day a little brighter.

Sometimes he'd come up to my desk and inform that he was going to "the store" on his break, and would ask me if I wanted anything. I would assure him I was fine, but thanked him for asking. He'd ask me if I was sure I didn't want "a pop or anything." I told him I was sure. I figured this guy was maybe a little off, but very nice just the same.

He came up to my desk the other morning, and we talked for a minute. Then he asked me out on a lunch date. I wasn't taken aback at first, because honestly, I didn't know he'd asked me. As I said before, I'm lucky if I can pick out the subject in his sentences and then nod or shake my head depending on what I think his meaning might be. I understood "lunch", and figured he was just excited about his approaching break. Then I noticed the way he was looking at me and listened as he mumbled a few more sentences, causing me to put all the pieces together. Unbeknownst to me, I was being courted. Gosh was I glad I hadn't accepted the "pop" offer.

What's a girl to do? How can you let the hopeful boys down without hurting their feelings and self-esteem? How do you explain that you recognize that they are interesting, good people, but you're not attracted to them. How do you say, "leave me alone, I think you're a little off" in a nice way? Well it's not rocket science. You lie. There's nothing handier than a fake boyfriend, let me tell you.

So, now you know. I'm a liar, and I believe my parents are to blame. Mom, Dad, I know you guys read these, and I just want to bluntly tell you both that this is your fault for raising me to be kind. I hope you're happy.